Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
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Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
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When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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