Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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