my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
