During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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