He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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