good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
