Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
