bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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