oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
