Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
