walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
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I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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