I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
