i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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