If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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