guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
