Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
