last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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