Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
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You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
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there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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