Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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