Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
