Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
