he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
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so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
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there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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