When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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