Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize