I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize