I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
