How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
