Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
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I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
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But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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