At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
