Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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