I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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