i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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