a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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