i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize