I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
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