Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
