I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
