On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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