ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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