I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
