weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
