I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
