he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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