it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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