we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
