how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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