You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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