why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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