i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
