We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
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Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
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I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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