hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
