hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
