Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
