I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So. Much. Porn.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
