how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
