areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
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