Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
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No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
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Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.