I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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