You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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