tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
